He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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