I'm going to jail i love you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
