More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
