Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
