There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
