feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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