this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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