I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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