I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
