I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
