she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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