i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
