Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
