I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
