I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
