So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
