guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
