It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
