life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
