I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
