what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
