Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
