how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
