I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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