Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
