the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
