come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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