Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was like eating out sand paper
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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