i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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