you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
