Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sext me about skeletons
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
