Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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