At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
