I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
