We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
