babies were throwing up all over the place
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
