Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
