For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
