I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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