Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
