ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
