I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
