I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
