yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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