next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
