I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
