PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
