R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
