I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
