I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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